It’s over a month since I stopped breast feeding Littlest J, and I’m still adjusting to the change. I think this might be because I was so worried about her weight, and felt that her love of breast milk was stopping her from embracing solid food. So weaning wasn’t a natural progression – more a battle of wills! I strongly felt that I should stop breast feeding, but she refused to cooperate.
I don’t miss breast feeding in public, wearing hideous nursing bras or being woken at 1am (and 3am, and 5am) by my daughter rooting around for a feed.
But I do miss the closeness of breast feeding. I really, really miss it. Since she started eating solid food, Littlest J has become so much more independent. She doesn’t want to be held, and only when she’s completely exhausted will she fall asleep in my arms. In the wake of this newfound independence, a rather irritable streak has emerged. When she’s cross, everyone knows about it! I feel a bit useless, as nothing I do calms her down. I’m not sure if leaving her on the floor to writhe around and scream is the best approach, but when I pick her up she launches herself out of my arms. She’s safer on the floor, right?!
I used to say that my daughter only cried when she was hungry, but I’m starting to wonder if that was true. Whenever she cried, I would assume she was hungry, and breast feed her. Now I’m wondering if she really was hungry all those times, or if she just got so used to me feeding her that it became a comfort? Are these tantrums happening because she’s wondering where her comfort has gone?
Am I just thinking about this all too much?